The Feast of Cinnamon Toast Day

And it was one day that Cleo of the two tongues had a wanting on her to call together all those of the Clan Beanbosh for a feast in the House of Bewley, she having a great wanting for the coffee of Bewley. It was true that the mighty and blowful matriarchs of the Clan Beanbosh had put a curse each on the other that whenever they had a wanting to call together the Clan Beanbosh, they would not do this thing thinking that surely they had already done it and so it was this day that Cleo of the Two Tongues had planned a feast and no one knowing it.

She said to the Chatty Man, "It is today that we are to feast in the House of Bewley and us with the Clan Beanbosh."

The Chatty Man, knowing the curse, dared not tell Cleo of the Two Tongues that she had not invited a soul, lest she lash him with both of her tongues, but it was also that he had a mighty want for cinnamon toast and they having none at the House of Bewley.

"I have a great hunger on me for cinnamon toast this day," said the Chatty Man.

"It is not cinnamon toast that you will have for your feasting," said Cleo. "It is not proper food for a feast and they having none in the House of Bewley."

The Chatty Man began to twiddle his Chatty Man thumbs and it was thinking of cinnamon toast he was. When they came to the House of Bewley they found not one member of the Clan Beanbosh and Cleo of the Two Tongues was greatly vexed.

"I told you to gather the Clan," Cleo scolded the Chatty Man, "and it is not a one that I am seeing here this day."

The Chatty Man ducked into the nearest mall and did the feat of the Shadow Mall, gathering all the clan that very instant and taking them to Cleo of the Two Tongues. And it was that he brought Pam of the Odd Nut, Steven of the Three Shits, Susan of the Grouse Tongue, Kathy of the Silent Mouth but Sharp Tongue, The Sun-Fried Mud-Stuck Woman, and Sean of the Hero Light.

Cleo of the Two Tongues led the clan to the top of the House of Bewley that they might watch the people on Grafton street as they ate and she calling after them to find out what they were doing out on the street. But if they did go to the top floor, it was that they were told there was no food to be had, but maybe at the next floor down. Cleo led the Clan to the next floor, but if she did it was just the same as the floor before.

The Chatty Man said, "It might be that we should go to a different house that we might find food for our feast."

"I know how much it is that the Clan is fond of Bewleyıs coffee," said Cleo of the Two Tongues, "and it is right here we are staying."

Pam of the Odd Nut was feeling weak of her bladder and it was what she asked did anyone know where the bathrooms might be.

"Maybe on the turd floor," said Susan of the Grouse Tongue.

Pam of the Odd Nut said something odd in spanish about the twelve apostles of Jesus and then prayed to them that they might help her find where the couples did their pissing.

And it was that the Clan Beanbosh kept going down stair after stair until they were three nines of floors under the ground and still no food was to be found at the House of Bewley. It was here that the Chatty Man did his Chatty Man magic and it was that he made a floor that if it served a thing it served cinnamon toast and he having a great wanting for cinnamon toast. The clan took their places at the great feasting table and began to make ready.

A serving man came to Kathy of the Silent Mouth but Sharp Tongue and said, "What is it you would have for your feasting this day Kathy of the Silent Mouth but Sharp Tongue?"

"It is fruit cottontail that I have a wanting for," said she.

"Ach. It is none of that you will be finding here today." And with that the serving man turned to Steven of the Three Shits and asked him the same.

"It is one more bite than I can eat without misery that I have a wanting for," said Steven and the serving man said it would be done.

"Cleo of the Two Tongues, what is you will have this day?"

"It is a sweet roll and coffee that I will be having this day," said she.

"It is not that you will have this day Cleo of the Two Tongues, for it is only cinnamon toast that we have here."

"I will have toast with Jam, then," said Cleo of the Two Tongues.

"It is not any jam that we have here this day," said the serving man.

With that Cleo took one of her druid rods and struck the Chatty Man turning him into a jar of jam. "That is fine," said she, "I have brought my own jam."

"Yes," said the serving man, "I can see that the grandfather is awfully well preserved."

It was with great vexation the Chatty Man was as he turned himself back from a jar of jam and it is what he said, "It might be the side orders you should be trying, Cleo of the Two Tongues." And if he said it, he also did his Chatty Man magic that whoever should call for a side order could not but keep ordering them and when they came could not but eat them no matter their fullness.

"It is indeed the side orders I will be having," said Cleo and there was contentment on her. At that, the magic bargain ring of Pam of the Odd Nut began to glow itıs golden glow and she knowing that the side orders were a bargain.

"The side orders for me as well," said she, "And I need one for each of my neices and friends that I might send them all this bargain."

The Chatty Man did the feat of the Giddy Hands and turned the coffee of Bewley to mud and made it also that Cleo could not but drink it and refill her cup and drink again through the whole of the feast. It was that instant that the feast was laid before them and Cleo taking her first drink of coffee.

"This coffee tastes like mud," said she, spitting it onto the table. "It is never have I had coffee this terrible."

With that she took another drink and spit it to the table. But if she did she put another drink in her mouth as quickly as she had removed the first and her complaining all the while. The side orders were brough in by three fifties of servers and each order bigger than the one before it and Cleo and Pam eating every one.

"It is stuffed that I am," said Pam of the Odd Nut, but if she did she had another side order in her mouth while she said it.

"The coffee is terrible," spat Cleo while she refilled her cup and ate from her many plates with her tongue that was not wagging.

Everyone else had their cinnamon toast and Steven of the Three Shits having that one bite extra that set him to complaints of misery but Sean of the Blarney Mouth had nought, for cinnamon toast reminded him of cute, fuzzy, struedels and he not one for eating cute, fuzzy, struedels. And it was that Cleo of the Two Tongues and Pam of the Odd Nut ate so that day that they could not be taken from the basement of the House of Bewley till they had been starved a year. This day came to be called Cinnamon Toast Day.